So when you have a child, just loving him is not enough. You should also lecture him and educate him, and have him grow up to be a good person. Otherwise, if something happens to you and you pass away, or your family property gets destroyed, how can he survive? He might die.
As the only child he may be spoiled rotten. Understand? All the energy, love, money and time are poured onto him. So, after the kid is grown up, he has spoiled habits. Once going out to work and scolded by the boss, he will simply run home and not want to work. He has not been scolded at home. Without scolding and able to get money without working, why should he go to work and be scolded by the boss and judged by colleagues? Understand? Of course he doesn’t work. I wouldn’t either, If I were your kid, I wouldn’t go to work too. I could even get free money and have a house to live, food to eat, and a mom to take care of laundry. I tell you. I can’t take care of your kid. Leave me alone. Peace.
I’ve encountered a few like this before as assistants by my side, or as renunciates. If it’s not the only son, then the problem is we Chinese favor boys more than girls. Of course we want him to become the king. Right? He has become a king since birth. Therefore, it’s too late now. Take your time to change. OK? He is too old now to change, I am afraid. But you can slowly talk to him, and say, “We only have you, and are dependent on you. You have to be a better person, make us be proud of you, and make our neighbors, or relatives and friends be proud of you a little bit. We can only rely on you. Please try. Please sacrifice your ego a little bit and make your mom and dad happy. I know you will. You are grown up so strong and handsome. When you go out, and people see that you have no job, and girls see that you have no job, if they ask you, what would you say?” Tell him, “As a man you need status to get respected. We don’t need your money, nor do we need you to work diligently. We only need you to have the self-respect of a boy, to make others proud, to make the neighbors respect us. Otherwise, we will have no face to see others.” You try to talk to him more touchingly. “Once you meet with someone you love and you say you have no job, how would she look up to you? You know there are a lot of people in China, and it’s very competitive to find a job. So you have to be patient and have to sacrifice yourself a little bit. All the negative energy or obstacles at the workplace can be treated as tests to make you stronger and able to overcome them. Because you are grown up, you can make your parents proud.” Something like that. (OK. Thank You, Master.) You are welcome. Otherwise, I can’t take care of it.
I have had a few like this before. Wow! Are you very rich? (No. Just average.) Just average? That’s good. If you are richer, I really can't do anything.
Therefore, we should train children since childhood. Don’t give them everything they ask for. Understand? It’s not good. I treat my dogs also this way. The (vegan) treats for chewing, every dog is fond of them. He can eat a whole bag and still is not happy enough. After he finishes eating it, he comes back again as if he hasn’t had it. But I can’t give all to him. I know he wants them all. But I can’t give. Or it becomes a bad habit. Then he will only eat that, instead of the real dog food. It’s bad for his health. I can only give him those once or twice a day. If twice, half of the amount each time. If once, then the whole thing, depending on his size. Giving too much of that is not good for health. It’s not just about nutrition. Understand? It has its ingredients, but not to replace the regular meal. I love my dogs the best. Except you, I love my dogs the best. (We are the big brothers.) They are the second. You are the kings and they are the lords. They are the lords. Understand? Therefore, I don’t give that to them, not because I don’t love them. If I keep spoiling them, later when I am not around, they would keep bothering the assistants for those, and would get angry if they don’t give. Then they would not eat the cooked meal. It’s not good for them.
Before, when I was at a place in another country that I won’t give much details, there was an initiate who was originally a nun. Later she left me, and had a boyfriend outside. That was not an issue. But she couldn’t return to the resident order. When I heard about it, I said, “Fine. Give her another chance. No problem. Ask her to come.” That place didn’t belong to me. It was a small apartment I rented, and was expensive. A bigger place would have been more expensive, and I was reluctant to spend that much on a temporary place for six months only. So she wanted to come. Someone told me that she wanted to come. Then I said, “Fine. Give her a chance.” My house was small. Everyone squeezed together. And I lived there also, together with the dogs and three more people. Her parents were very rich, wow, really rich. Not ordinary rich, but very rich, and very famous in that country.
Therefore, she was used to having servants at home. And when she came to my place, after a few days, she started to direct the other two assistants. I was very familiar with the two assistants. They had followed me for a long time, had taken care of the dogs for a long time, and knew what I told them to do. But after she came, she immediately taught them differently. Originally, they should take the whole group out, at least two or three together, and not leave one alone in the house. Of course he cried, as he was not used to it. Why should it be like that, to leave him there by himself? And there were enough people. For three people and six dogs, each would take care of two. Why would I leave him there? She asked them to leave that one behind, and he cried so hard. I came out and asked, “Why?” She said, “I told them to take those out and leave this one behind. He will be taken out later.” I said, “Why? We never did that before. They were always out together. Why did you tell them like that? And, you just came here and have no idea how to take care of them.” She said, “It’s better this way.” I said, “It’s not better. Do you think he looks better? He is crying there. You quickly bring him out to be with the others. You have nothing to do here. So you bring him out.” That dog was the kindest. And he would not cause problems. Whoever took him, he would go. She refused and kept standing there to stare at me. I just washed my hands with soap, and the soap was in a type of plastic bottle and was squeezed out. I just washed my hands so my hands were full of soap. I saw the dog crying and couldn’t bear it. But I couldn’t pat her, because of the soap on my hands. So I used that plastic bottle, and said, “Bring him out! Bring him out!” She wouldn’t do it, and made loud noise over there, “Oh! Oh! Oh!” as if I was killing her. Oh! I was so scared. I said, “You are fine!” I hit myself with it, and it didn’t hurt at all. It was just a plastic bottle for soap. Nothing.
She was spoiled at home and was used to directing servants. So when I told her things, she didn’t want to listen. Understand? I didn’t do anything to her. “Oh, I don’t want to stay here. I want to go home!” I said, “Oh, really? Fine. Then go home immediately, in five minutes. Go!” She thought I would beg her like her parents. Impossible! Even if I needed people, I would not beg. I wouldn’t continue to support that spoiling system. Of course I needed people there. With many dogs and limited manpower, I had to run around. But forget about it, no need. I said, “Go home immediately. Go pack now.” Then she stood there and didn’t go pack. I said, “You said you wanted to go. Do it now. Go, go, go!” She was so spoiled like that, because her family was so rich and very famous. They were famed because of wealth; they had money and fame. Therefore, she wasn’t used to it, wasn’t used to that kind of life, and a house that was so crowded. Her house was luxurious. She had her own car and a chauffeur. Or she could drive herself. I don’t need it. I can go with a driver, or go without one. I can eat good food if there is. If not, I will eat sesame powder and brown rice or other rice, or eat whatever is available.
So we definitely shouldn’t spoil our children. OK? We should take good care of a child from birth. Otherwise, when he grows up, no one will like him. Then to the contrary you have hurt him. Understand? When he goes out to work and has no patience, the boss will be annoyed. The coworkers. (Colleagues.) Colleagues. The people in the company will be annoyed by him. Then if he gets married and has a family with a wife or husband, there is no way they can get along with each other. Have you seen those singers and movie stars? Most of them don’t live good lives, and can’t get along with others. When they get married with a wife or a husband, it’s also marrying today and divorcing tomorrow. They can’t get used to it.
So when you have a child, just loving him is not enough. You should also lecture him and educate him, and have him grow up to be a good person. Otherwise, if something happens to you and you pass away, or your family property gets destroyed, how can he survive? He might die.
When they came here to be residents, I always told them to learn driving, wiring, receiving phone calls, and different languages. Whoever wanted would learn. Before, there were teachers coming here to teach. Of course, not everyone could speak fluent English, but it’s not that I didn’t ask them to come and teach. It’s just some of them were too old to learn, or didn’t have the talent for language. Some had. Since they didn’t use it much, they would forget. It happened. They were also taught to cook. Even boys needed to cook too. Or without girls, they might die.
Most parents don’t ask their boys to cook or do laundry, and don’t ask them to clean the house, to take care of the surroundings and personal hygiene. Understand? This is not right. They should learn the same. For the parents of most families the mother would teach the girls how to cook and how to clean the house. If a boy is asked but doesn’t do it, it’s not a problem, because he is a boy and doesn’t need to do the girl’s job. What about a boy or a girl? “The girl’s job.” The house should be kept clean regardless if it’s occupied by a girl or a boy.
So, I am telling you. Sometimes I need to use boys, but they are so stinky. I am not talking about you. I am not. I mean to say my boys. OK? Strange. Why is it like that? Sometimes I said, “Hurry to take a shower and come back,” even in a rush. And sometimes the driver forgot to brush his teeth. Then I asked him to go brush his teeth. And he would do it. But when he returned, he was still stinky. I asked him why. He said, “No toothpaste.” Because when I told him to brush his teeth, I didn’t say to brush with toothpaste. True story! That person is still vividly alive! Oh, my God! In the early morning, do you want to smell like that? Even ourselves, when we get up in the morning, we don’t want to smell our own breath, not to mention from others. If you sit in a big car and there is a boy, you can bear it. If there are two, you have to recite the Buddha’s name. If there are three boys or four girls, you would die. You wouldn’t survive. They love their own smell and are reluctant to part with it.
So sometimes you should take care of yourself. Both boys and girls are the same. When you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, it’s not after dating for a while it becomes safe so you don’t care about it. It’s not. You should still take care of yourself. Sometimes, the breakup of a couple or with a boyfriend or a girlfriend is not because of big matters. It’s not because he is jealous of you, or you are not good-looking, or he doesn’t like you. It’s because sometimes your smell is too strong and unbearable. What are you laughing at? Am I not right? (You are right.) My God! Wonderful! I can become a marriage expert to make money, adding another job for me. Yes, you should take care of yourself. But, it’s fine if you have no boyfriend or girlfriend, just like me. Then you don’t need to take care of yourself so much. You still need to. What I mean is there is no urgency. Understand? OK. Forget about it. Don’t talk anymore. You know it. Yes. Don’t think about why your boyfriend is so bad, no matter if you have money. And then think, “I have everything. I am good looking and have money. Why do my boyfriends keep running away?”
Shakyamuni Buddha taught that monks should not eat garlic and onion, because it’s too stinky and the Dharma guards would run away. They thought the invisible guards would run away. Actually, the visible Dharma guards would run away too, including the Buddha. Sometimes I want to run away as well. This place is nice because we didn’t build a house. Air circulation with the surrounding is good. Otherwise… Why are you laughing? Before, in SMC or other places with houses, sometimes I really couldn’t bear. But I was too embarrassed to speak out. Yes, I did complain a couple of times. But usually I didn’t say anything. It’s embarrassing. OK. You can ask questions again. It’s the fault of you two, the fault of your son causing me to talk for so long. Nobody is happy. (Happy.) Happy? OK. Speak.
(Hi, Master!) Hi. (Thank You for Your unconditional love and mercy to save the Earth and to uplift humanity. Not only humans, but grasses and trees have also been uplifted.) How do you know? (I can feel it.) You can feel it? (I have felt that every second Master’s love is with us.)
(I do have a personal question. It’s about my lower back. Whenever I am in deep meditation, my lower back hurts very much like being tightly bound by a belt. That’s my question.) What about your lower back? Why? (It feels like being tied by a belt.) (Her lower back feels like being tied by a belt.) Like being tied by a belt. (Yes. It can’t be stretched out, and it affects my meditation.) (Her lower back can’t be stretched out. When she meditates, she’s like this.) (It’s stiffened and can’t be stretched.) Oh. (It’s been over 20 years, really uncomfortable. I originally...) Did this happen before? Or it only happens now? (Not before.) Since when did it start? (Initiation. About two or three months. Before initiation, I was a nun. Before initiation, I also meditated and I practiced Taoism. My meditation was pretty good. Three months after the initiation, during meditation, I felt a force pushed me from behind.) OK. (It’s very uncomfortable now.) Understand. (Very uncomfortable. This part is very tight.) Understand. (I have been here a few times. I wanted to ask but didn’t. I felt shy and didn’t want to bother Master. Today I couldn’t bear it, so I asked.) No problem. (Master’s compassion.) When you go home, before meditation. OK? (OK.)
What kind of meditation did you practice before? Breathing? (No, not breathing.) How did you meditate? (I usually just meditate like this. I don’t pay attention to breathing.) Not now. I mean in the past. Before following me, how did you meditate? What method did you practice? (Before I became a nun, I practiced the Taoist meditation. I just practiced that. I didn’t practice breathing, didn’t do that.) I don’t understand.
(She said she didn’t focus on anything. She sat casually.) Casually sat, (and recited the sutras and mantras. Casually sat.) That’s not right. OK. You didn’t meditate correctly. It was the wrong way. (Oh.) The lower-level gods helped you. It’s not that they didn’t. Understand?
Of course when you meditated, those different gods at different levels would help you. Now that you want to go higher, they try to control you. (My God!) They don’t want to lose you. Before you meditate, tell them that you are now learning from the Supreme Master Ching Hai. Thank them for their previous help, support and protection. But now you have probably graduated and want to go up. Ask them not to block you. And recite my name. OK? (OK.) Ask them to leave. (OK. Thank You, Master, thank You.) It will be effective immediately. (OK. Thank You, Master.)
Meditation can’t be done casually like this. A few people have different problems. (That was in the past.) I know, I know. For you, just do like this, then you will be OK. (Hi, Master.) Hi. (I have been initiated for 18 years.)
Remember to thank them. OK? Don’t scold them, but thank them. Be sincerely grateful. (I used to scold them. I won’t do it anymore.)
