If you want to learn French, it’s very easy. Just cut everything. Like if it’s written with an N at the end, you just cut it. Then it’s correct. Like “maison:” m-a-i-s-o-n. And you just say “maiso’.” “So’,” and your mouth is round – “maison”! You just cut the N and then you’re correct. Like “information:” It’s written exactly like English. But if you want to speak in French, then you say “information.” And “garçon” means boy. “Garçon.” “Garçon,” huh? With N at the end. How do you say it now in French? (In French?) Yeah. (“Garço’.”) “Garço’.” You got it! […]
In France, they’re very polite. The French people, they also say, “Yes, sir. Yes, ma’am.” Just like in America, they say, “Yes, ma’am.” Yeah? “Yes, ma’am.” Oh. Something here? Camera off! Gone? (You can see.) Oh, man! What a ’assle! What a hassle to eat! That’s the French people. They don’t pronounce the H. So somebody comes to my hotel and says, “Ah! It’s an ’assle to get to Your ’otel.” It’s a hassle. But they pronounce it like ’assle, it’s an ’assle. “It’s an ’assle to get to Your ’otel, Madame.” And when they tell you the truth, they show you the “tooth.” You know, right?
It was more fun the other day in our own home. It was more fun, huh? (Yes.) (But we would never dream that we would be able to eat at Loving Hut with You.) Why not? You don’t have to dream; you just eat it. (But now, it feels different eating when being filmed.) Yeah. Yeah. If you had not been in “The King & Co.” and made a fool of yourself, then now you know what it is. But in “The King & Co.,” you [were] all made up. Nobody recognized you. Here, show your real face, man. It’s like a reality show.
Wow. A lot of food. Can you guys still eat or not? If not, we stop because they’ll be cooking forever. No, really. (I’m full.) Anybody who’s not full, maybe still wants some more? Because if not, then we eat (vegan) cakes. (Yay!) (That sounds good.) If there’re any left! Because I did not order anything. Just spontaneous – came here just to scare them like that. And see how they react. Because if the boss is coming and they all know in advance, then everything is picobello (perfect). So I just, “Surprise!” Surprised them. I knew they were nervous already, so I made it worse for them. “Come on, the table over there. Move it! Move it!” So, you see, if they’re not smiling, you know what happened. So serious now. Concentrated.
Now we’re going to have (vegan) cakes, and tea, and coffee, whatever, yeah? (Yes.) Honestly, do you guys feel nervous because [the] camera is going around or not? No. (Yes, Master.) (I do, yes.) You don’t care? (Self-conscious.) (No.) Some don’t care. Some [are] so used to the cowboy style. Who is nervous when knowing the camera is filming you all the time secretly? Only you two? (It’s weird.) The other ones [are] not nervous? (We can edit it out.) (We can go home and edit it out.) This one I won’t give you to edit. I’ll tell Menton to keep as is. Original, à la France. French style. Original, courageous, and “tooth” (truth)! The whole “tooth” (truth). OK. You don’t cut any of this, alright? You can cut my mistake parts, but theirs, no.
Is there some cake or not? (Yes.) Enough for everyone? (Yes.) A little, little bit. (Yes, OK.) I would like some tea. (Green tea? Or black tea, white tea, red tea?) Tea, (Jasmine tea?) jasmine tea. Yes. Thank you. That’s it. I’ll save it for the cake. So that we don’t have to change (OK.) and wash a lot. (OK, the (vegan) cake now.) The (vegan) cake now! Now! You guys eat quickly! If you don’t, then whoever finishes will eat the (vegan) cakes. And if some [are] left over, then they (the rest) are lucky. You like (vegan) cakes? (Yes, Master.) They make very good (vegan) cheesecake here. I hope they have it. (Vegan) cheesecake, chocolate cake, apple pie. You can take a rest on the chair. (I’m OK. I’m OK, Master.) Tough guy, huh? (That’s OK.) OK.
Are there any toothpicks? Please. (Yes, Master.) How do you say that in French? (Toothpick.) Toothpick. Anybody like a toothpick? It’s written d-e-n-t. Right? (Sorry?) Dent. “Dent.” D-e-n-t, no? (D-e-n-t...) D-e-n-t, no? Tooth. (Ah, tooth.) (Oh, sorry. D-e-n-t.) Yeah. D-e-n-t. But you don’t say dent; you say “dent.” (Tooth. Tooth. Cheese.) Toothpick! If you want to learn French, it’s very easy. Just cut everything. Like if it’s written with an N at the end, you just cut it. Then it’s correct. Like “maison:” m-a-i-s-o-n. And you just say “maiso’.” “So’,” and your mouth is round – “maison”! You just cut the N and then you’re correct. Like “information:” It’s written exactly like English. But if you want to speak in French, then you say “information.” And “garçon” means boy. “Garçon.” “Garçon,” huh? With N at the end. How do you say it now in French? (In French?) Yeah. (“Garço’.”) “Garço’.” You got it! And if it’s an H you just don’t say H You don’t say hotel; you cut the “ha, ha, ha.” You cut the “ha” away. You say ‘otel! Then you are French already. And if you pronounce the R, like Robert, “Robert.” “Robert.” “French.” Then you’re correct. I’m just trying to give a crash course in French. I’m just joking, OK? The French people, they speak very elegantly, not like that. I just make fun, OK? Don’t tell the French people.
Say something in French. (Please, did you enjoy dinner this evening? Did you like the food?) She asked you… She asked you if the food was good or not good. And you say, “C’est bon!” (It was good.) Thank you. (Thank you very much.) Thank you, madam. “Thank you, madam.” Say it. (Thank you, madam.) No. “Merrr,” with the R. “Merrr.” Say it again, now! (Thank you, madam.) (Are we good students, Master?) (Are we good French students?) Not too bad. The French people, they’re very polite. So if you speak wrong, they forgive you. And they will try to correct you. So, no problem. OK?
We have to laugh a little bit so we can enjoy the next… Digest. Now, if you like coffee or espresso, you have to ask the lady there. I want tea. I told her already. (Oh, yes.) If you want coffee, you tell her. You understand? (Yes, Master.) (Oui, Madame. [Yes, Madam.]) (Yes.) And you have to say “madame” and “monsieur.” (Monsieur.) “Monsieur” means sir. (Yes.) Yes, yes, sir. Yes, sir. Not “mon-sieur” because you have to cut the N – even in the middle, you cut it. So it’s not “mon-sieur,” it’s “mo’sieur.” Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know everything. Thank you, love. Thank you, thank you. It’s written m-o-n-s-i-e-u-r. But you have to cut the N in the middle. Not “mon-sieur,” but “mo’sieur.”
I told you! The French, they’re no-nonsense about it. Anything unnecessary, they cut. And I don’t know why they put it there, to begin with. Just to have something to do. Yeah! In times of crisis, it’s hard to find jobs. So somebody had to put an N there, and somebody has the job to cut it off. Job to do. But when the French people speak high French, it’s very, very nice. Very elegant. Very lovely to listen to. When somebody really has a good education – not like my French, no, excuse me – but when they’ve really been well trained, then they speak very, very nice. Especially ladies. They speak very, very crispy. Very nice. But hard to find. No, I’m joking. People also have to have language skills. Also, to have a nice voice, then French is very lovely to hear. Very elegant.
You say something. (I loved the food here. The meal was delicious. Loving Hut is a restaurant...) Whatever I said before about the French elegant people, it doesn’t apply to this guy. He’s stayed too long in America. Not because I tell a lie, but because he’s a hybrid. He also ate a lot of curry in India before he went to America. So, this mixture doesn’t help his native tongue. When I say it’s elegant and nice to listen to, it’s somebody else. Do you have sugar, madam? Do you have sugar? (Sugar.) Sugar, that’s French. Sugar is French, and “sucre” is English. “Sucre” is sugar. I asked her in French; she replied in English! Thank you. Thank you. (Thank You, Madam.) Thank you very much! I’m sorry I offended you, huh?
OK. In English, if it’s o-u-p at the end, then you say “group” or “coupe,” right? But in French, no. Also cut again: “Coo’.” “Merci beaucoup.” It was just joking, my God! Long face like a horse(-person)! No, no, you’re very elegant. Speak so good. Better than me. (It's been a long time that I don’t speak [French], as well.) You know I always make people laugh, so if I have nothing to make fun of myself anymore, then I try to pick one of the “scapegoats.” So they can laugh at our expense. Long time you don’t speak French anymore, huh? (Yes.) All these Americans – they ruined your talent.
Photo Caption: Some Things Might Look Alike, But It Is Not at All the Same. The Same Can Be Said About Saints and Ignoramus
