If you still have a good meditation, then maybe you’re sick a little bit, or can be cured. But if it’s too much, then you’ll probably go “goodbye.” And “goodbye” in the lower level, not in a higher level and liberated. (Yes, Master.) Don’t think that you are initiated by Master, and then you are covered. No! You’ve got to eat your food as well. (Yes, Master.)
I wished I could have been alone like before and meditate on the (inner Heavenly) Sound Method, because I knew it would help me recover quickly. (Yes, Master.) I wished so much, so much in my heart that I could. But I could not.
My hands were tied with all the tubes. (Wow. Yes, understand. Right, yes.) And I was even fenced in the bed, because they worried that I would fall down, for example like that. (Oh, my God.) I could not get up by myself. (Oh.) They had to push the bed until it went up like 45 degrees. (Yes.) Otherwise, every time I tried to get up myself, I was in excruciating pain. (Wow.) Pain that I could not even utter one word or scream. (Oh, no.) You just sit there like you were paralyzed from head to toe. You could not even scream.
Sometimes the nurse would ask me things I could not answer, and they were angry with me. Just because I could not talk at that time. I could not do anything. Later, I had to apologize but they did not believe me. And they banged the bed, and gave me more pain. (Oh, gosh.) Yeah, instead of slowly letting the bed down, they made it very fast, so my body banged on the frame of the bed. (Yes, Master.) With the bed together, of course, but it banged very hard. (Yes.) I could not even scream. Later, I apologized and I explained. And then they came and apologized to me.
One of the nurses was very nasty. I guess she just misunderstood. She had a hard time in the hospital. (Yes.) Being a nurse is not always good. (Yes.) Not always people thanking you. Sometimes they yell at you, very ungrateful, because they’re in pain. (Yes.) They don’t know anything anymore. I apologized, but she did not accept. Then later, when the doctor operated on me already and I came back to the same hospital, she still didn’t say anything. She knew that I was really in pain then, because they explained. Otherwise, whatever I told her, she did not understand. She thought I was just playing for attention, or being stubborn. (Yes, Master.)
Then sometime later on, the patient next to me was still not recovered. I had already been operated on and came back and had a chance to recover. So, I gave her some of something. I said, “This is a good blessing for you. You will be attended to and recover soon like me. Hold it.” And then, the nurses saw that, because the other nurse gave me that gift. She said, “This is very good for you,” the good nurse. (Yes.)
And then the bad nurse saw that, and she came and kneeled next to my bed, and said sorry. (Wow.) She said, “You are my teacher. You are in pain and You are suffering so much, and You still think of other people, whereas I was treating You very badly.” She said, “Sorry.” I said, “No, I think you just misunderstood because I could not explain. I was so much in pain. I felt so useless, so burdensome to all of you. And I didn’t know how to explain this.”
It was just a terrible pain. And the doctor couldn’t find out what it was all this time. (Yes, Master.) And some even thought I was faking it, and treated me badly also – even doctors. (Wow.)
And later on, one of the initiates, a brother doctor came, and then he guessed. He has some experience with this type of sickness. He talked to other doctors at home, and then he recommended, he said to those doctors, “Please, send Her to that kind of hospital to see if it’s something else.” (Yes, Master.) So, they sent me to the next hospital, and the doctor immediately operated on me. (Wow.) I mean, immediately, the next morning. I was there, like, evening, and they prepared the next morning for operation. (Wow.) They could not wait longer, otherwise, I would be paralyzed, he told me. (Wow.) And it’s true like that. They all knew that afterward.
Anyway, it’s a long story. I suffered not only the pain, but all this mistreatment as well. It’s just the world’s karma. Also I didn’t meditate well enough. (Yes, Master.) Because I took care of too many things, too many disciples came, wanting my attention, especially at that time in Europe. (Yes, Master.)
I just wanted to tell you all this so you know, don’t wait until that time. (Yes, Master.) You are not like ordinary disciples, just meditate the two-and-a- half-hour requirement. No. You must do at least four hours. (Yes, Master.) I mean, a solid four hours, or you’ll be in trouble, or you will leave, or something will happen that you have to go, or you’ll get sick. (Yes, Master.)
If you still have a good meditation, then maybe you’re sick a little bit, or can be cured. But if it’s too much, then you’ll probably go “goodbye.” And “goodbye” in the lower level, not in a higher level and liberated. (Yes, Master.) Don’t think that you are initiated by Master, and then you are covered. No! You’ve got to eat your food as well. (Yes, Master.)
Like people outside, the homeless are hungry, we give them food, we give them shelter, but they have to use it. (Right. That’s right, Master. Yes.) The food is in plenty and is free of charge. But they must eat. (Yes, Master.) They must eat nutritious food. They cannot just go back to their old habits. Maybe drugging, smoking, drinking. (Yes, Master.) Or go digging in the garbage and don’t go in the house to sleep. (Yes.) This is just an example for you. I hope it’s practical enough for you to understand. (Yes, Master. We understand.)
Long, long ago I used to travel a lot to different countries. And sometimes in the airplane, there was so much, so much thick, dark, heavy karma. And I felt so bad, so bad. I felt so restless. (Yes.) And I wanted to even go and punch the window to jump out of the airplane – that bad. (Wow.) But I had to swallow it all. And I wished I could meditate on Quan Yin, because if you do the (inner Heavenly) Sound (meditation) in that situation, immediately, you would feel peace and calm. (Yes, Master.)
So sometimes, I had to go and lock myself in the toilet, that dirty public toilet in the airplane, to do some to calm myself. (Yes, Master.) And they banged at my door, of course. They would not leave me in peace, because you cannot be there too long. (Right. Yes.) People will think you smoke or do drugs in there. (Yes, Master.) They have the right to suspect you. (Right. Yes, Master.) Because that’s the place where you have privacy. (Right, Master. Yes.)
So, somehow I would find a corner in the back of the cabin, and I covered myself from head to toe and did some Quan Yin. But very short, because the stewardess always came up and down, in and out, and they looked at you suspiciously. They would touch you. (Yes.) They said, “Are you alright?” (Yes.) Nobody would cover from head to toe and sitting like that. (That’s right.) So you always had to be vigilant. (Yes, Master.) And always had to cut it off, but a few minutes, or maybe one or two minutes – better than nothing. (Right. Yes.) Otherwise, I could go crazy on the airplane. (Understand, Master.)
Sometimes I didn’t even want to go on the airplane, like fear of flying. (Yes.) I never had a fear of flying. Just after I had so many disciples, it became different like that. I flew when I was even a teenager already or younger because I studied far away. (Yes.) And I flew back home to see my parents or my sister and relatives. I flew all the time in Âu Lạc (Vietnam). (Yes.) Especially during the war, it was safer. (Yes, Master.) My parents let me fly instead of going on the buses, because maybe there were mines on the street, on the road, it happened all the time. (Yes, Master. Right.) They just buried mines, the opposite force at the time from the North. (Yes.)
They buried mines in the streets. (Wow.) And if the bus drove over it, “Boom!” (Oh.) Everybody would die. (Gosh.) Often. (Yes, Master.) Maybe they didn’t mean that for the civilians, maybe just for the South army. But how can you avoid that? It’s the civilians who also used the roads. (Right. That’s true, Master.) How can you avoid it? (Yes.) That’s a lot of problems. War is bad, bad, bad. Terrible, terrible.
My teacher was also shot, died. (Oh.) Because in any village or any province or city, they organize the civilian groups to guard the entrance of their village, or their city. (Yes, Master.) And so the North army just shot them, at that time, because they also counted as an enemy. (Yes, Master. I see.) Even though they were just civilians and they were forced to do that. If you didn’t do that, you would be putting a hat on as a communist, or a communist sympathizer or a spy, and then they would jail you anyway. They would beat you up, torture you, and ask you to confess.
It happened to my father also. (Oh.) He was jailed for nothing. I know. In the war, nobody can be spared anything. You could always be wrongly accused, jailed beat up or tortured anytime, by just a glimpse of suspicion, or by some people who don’t like you and who just accuse you. (Yes, Master.) It’s funny.
During the war, the South government jailed my father for being a suspected communist. (Oh.) I told you the story already. Until my mother was so sick, I had to travel. I was only seven, eight years old. I traveled alone to beg the prison to let my father go home for some hours to save my mother, because we didn’t have a good hospital in that area, and she could not travel. She was so sick after giving birth to my sister. (Yes.) I told you the story already, so, I don’t want to repeat it. (Yes, Master.)
My father was jailed during the war because he was accused of being a communist sympathizer. At that time, it’s like a traitor. (Yes. I see.) A traitor, or what else is a name for that? Anyway, betraying your country.
Of course, it’s two sides fighting and if you are with the enemies, then you are a traitor. (Yes.) Treason also, treason is another name for it. (Yes.) You committed treason. (Yes.) So, my father was jailed for being a traitor, for being a communist supporter or communist mole, or hidden spy.
And after the communists took over the South, he was jailed again for not being a poor laborer. (Oh.) They classified the rich, wealthy and the land owners. My family owned land also. (Yes, Master.) You have land, like a rice field and you let the laborers come and work on it, and you share the harvest. (Yes, Master.) Because of that, my parents also got jailed, and sent to labor camps. (Oh.) Education camps, they called it. (Oh. Yes, Master.)
So, if you are with the enemy or not, you also had trouble. And after the enemy already took over the country, the enemy also jailed you. (Ah.) Oh, man. What a world. (Yes, Master.)
My father was neither an enemy nor foe, nothing. He did nothing. He just took care of people who were sick. (Yes, Master.) Just a medical person. And he took care also of sick animal-people. That’s all he did. (Oh.) Nothing else. And my mother was just selling stuff. She was a merchant. (Yes.) Selling cloth for making clothes. (Yes.) That’s it. Both of them just worked to keep their family fed and clothed. That’s all.
But anybody can say anything. (Yes.) And by the time they check you out or not check you out, you are already black and blue. (Oh.) Whether or not you can prove your innocence, that’s another thing. (Yes.) Because sometimes, maybe they got someone else who also knew my father. Everybody knew him. In a small area, everybody knows everybody. (Right. Yes, Master.) So, because they beat him up so badly and tortured him so much, he just said any name. (Oh.)
So, my father’s name was on the list. (Oh.) So, they just captured him and jailed him. (Wow.) And later, after the communist already took over the South and became one country, he also was jailed in the labor camp.
